Playing a game of cat and mouse and I'm stuck being the damn cat...
and newsflash to you, its getting very old chasing you.
Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Why is it that sitting down and having a serious conversation with me is so fucking hard? Why is it that I can look at you and know millions of things are running through your head and yet you just can’t seem to spit them out to me? How come I never hold back with you and you can’t even tell me the simpliest of things, like telling me you’re scared you’re going to loose me. Why after 8 months, going on 9 now, you’re so fucking distant? Shouldn’t I be the one you’re closest to by this point?
How come you keep doing the same things then? I’ve told you, the way you will loose me is if you say nothing at all. Just open you mouth and tell me what you’re feeling.
I thought having a serious talk with you would change things and yet I’m still pulling teeth just to get you to talk to me.
The fact that you can express yourself to twitter more than you can to me sucks.
I’m so tired of constantly chasing you just to get you to talk.
completely out of the loop. Lost in yet another daydream. Sleeping with my eyes open. Just waiting for the time to tick away. Wonder if you’ll be the one to text me first today. If you’ll show me you want me. I’m so broke and I’m starving. What else is new. How do I make more money? I need something on the side. I want to save more and do more things. I want this aching feeling in my throat to go away. Swollen tonsils due to excessive amounts of vodka, redbull, cigarettes, and ripping the bong. Oh well. What can I say, I had quite an eventful St. Patrick’s Day. I feel so gone today.
So unsocial. Watching you drown in your over reactions. Watching you age as you flip out yet again over something stupid.
I’m so glad I’m laid back at work. That I don’t pay attention. Its the only way I make it til’ 5 anymore.
Or does it constantly have to be a fucking battle? An argument about another something. A disagreement.
Can’t we just have conversation instead of sitting here in angry silence. The tension in the room. Wanting to rip my hair out. Annoyed with you. Confused as to why you call THIS being “happy”.
how things once were. How I was so close and so wrapped up in it. How it was almost real. How I still remember.
There are so many things I just drift off into. Somewhere far away.
Keeping faith in something different. How it would be. How you would be. I can only wonder.
To take a plane ride somewhere across the oceans. Watching the sun rise up from the west. Sunnier days with the occasionally rainy, stay inside ones too. The softness of the mattress beneath warm skin. Waking up to the sun seeping in.
Sometimes I wonder what I’m even saying. Maybe it just makes sense in my head.
After all, they’re just words. Make it what you will.
… I could have some peace and quiet. Some time to relax. To chill out in MY house, in my underwear and not have to deal with the noise, the presence of people, the constant thought of little to no privacy.
I wonder why it is that I just can’t seem to wanna break away from the same old shit. To start a new. A QUIET new to escape the sounds of the night that I just can’t seem to fall asleep to.
The night that occurs over and over, like a broken record. As I probably sound when I constantly ask over and over. But I just can’t seem to get through.
Here goes another night trying to sleep over the noise.
Or maybe I’ll keep faith in the opposite and try to fall asleep to the thought.