…it is that we feel the need to run.
Escape. Get away. Leave everything behind. Problems arise and we dream of an easier solution than having to face them head on.
Just coming home from work, packing up the car, and taking off. No plan. No sense of direction. Just taking what little money you have and leaving. Figuring it out as you go. A bold move. A statement. A change. Not knowing what’s gonna happen next. Not knowing what the fuck you’re gonna do. Just knowing that you can completely start over. Running away from everything you know just to be somewhere new.
Why escaping your reality seems like such a genius idea.
Its like I just don’t understand why after so long I still feel this way. Why I keep trying to cut out all the questions, all the doubts. Why I just can’t seem to let down every guard and just let things happen. Why I’m such a skeptic. Why I feel so terribly broken inside and why I can’t just move on. Feel better. Get the fuck over it. Why I still feel so unsure. So lost.
What is wrong with me. Why do I do this everytime.
Why I even waste my time with certain things. Why I bother trying to give you attention when all you do is turn away. Why I keep trying but can’t seem to get anywhere. Why after so long, I feel this way.
Thoughts occupy my brain too much that shouldn’t. I keep them locked away for my own good. Consuming my mind til I feel like one day I’ll just explode. Feelings taking over that I just can’t talk about. Too afraid of letting them out. Secrets that just can’t be said in words, but yet drive myself into insanity.
There’s just no way anyone would understand.
I feel somewhat trapped. Lost in a sea of constant emotions that I just keep bottled up.
I often dream of starting over again. Just running from it all. Losing it and just becoming fully carefree.
But I wonder if I’ll ever be that brave.
Too many thoughts. I need to start writing things down more. Maybe try to clear some things out in my own head.