Finally got a job. Making money. One step closer to my license. Temps comes Tuesday. FINALLY. I can’t wait to drive and be free from all of this. To have my own car and just…go…whenever I want. Having that sense of freedom. Not having to rely on my parents anymore. FINALLY. I’ll be able to drive myself to work. To take myself places without having to beg for a ride. No more trying to figure out how I’m going to get some place. As long as I keep my job and keep making money, I’ll be able to go wherever I want.
Things are looking up. I’m slowly forgetting you in that sense. Its depressing. But I’ve been too busy focusing on myself lately anyway. Which is what I need. Once I have my license and a car, nothing else will really matter to me except getting enough money saved up to leave.
Its not even that I miss you. I just miss what I always wanted but never had. Someone who truly wanted me back. You were just a dream, a wish, and if you had wanted me back, you could have been everything I ever wanted.
With my luck, when/if you decide you want me back, I’ll no longer be interested. Cause that is always how it works.
Looking forward to my fat paycheck. Looking forward to Tuesday. Looking forward to seeing Kayla, Nicole, and Mandy during my time off from work.
GOD I CAN’T WAIT TO DRIVE. The day I get my temps I’m gonna be on my mom’s ass to drive everywhere. Ha. :D
I need the time to realize everything I've just seen...
cause I’ve been living in a good dream, for far too long. I need the time to realize everything was make believe, damn it I was naive. You never really seem to be.
But all I ask, is for my fair chance, at making my way to the top of this industry. With my own two hands, not a second glance, I’ll make the impossible a possibility.
Don’t fuck this whole thing up for me, I thought we we’re a team. But now you’re kicking the legs right out from under my dreams. So don’t fuck this whole thing up for me, you said that we we’re a team. But now you’re kicking the legs right out from under my…dreams. </3
Camels and car rides. Moving and movies. French toast and pastries. From high hopes to crushed dreams. Sleeping the day away and feeling broken. Laying on Kayla’s roof. Tears leaving warm streaks down my cheeks. Light rain, slow responses. Escaping reality. Hurricane machines and photobooths. Bras and being broke. Skittles and bud. Massages and video games. Missing days. Later than late. Missing you. Constant apologies. Left alone. Punishing myself. Giving up. Falling back into sleep. Wanting to hear your voice. Short simple phone calls. Fake smiles. Paranoid emotions. Everyday is another worry. I miss you. Wanting to leave. Go back in time. Erase it all. Erase the pain. I hate this.