Everything is exactly how it should be. I have the best friends ever and I love every single one of them with all my heart. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without them. I love my sister. I love my dog. I love driving around. I love spending the day with amazing people. I love these comfy pajama pants, lol. I love mcdonalds sweet tea. Fuck! I just love summer and this has seriously been the best summer of my life. Oh and I fucking LOVE Fall Out Boy, so much, for being the perfect cherry on top of today. :’)
It was just one of those days that I felt infinite. Like I could take on the world, so much that I don’t want it to end, so I’m completely wired with happiness that I’m not even tired. Ha.
"Does he watch your favorite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts When you’ve seen it a million times? Does he sing to all your music While you dance to Purple Rain? Does he do all these things Like I used to?”
You make it so hard. I don’t look at any other guys the way I look at you. Its just not the same. They don’t measure up. You’re all I want. It scares me so much. And I hate you for it. I hate me for letting myself get so involved. But I want more.
You’re like a fucking drug. Why is it so impossible to stop?
I miss you when I’m not with you. When I’m with you, I can’t get enough.
Those days where we hang out and do absolutely nothing are some of the best this summer. Maybe, its just a summer thing. But regardless, I’m having fun. Just trying not to get so involved.
The current distance between us sucks, but its probably a good thing. :/
I just hate myself for letting this shit happen yet again. I get too involved, for nothing. It sucks. I always end up getting hurt in the end.
You broke my heart and you don’t even know it. It was over before it had even had a chance to begin. There was always something holding you back. From telling me how you really felt. Or showing me. Its not like the opportunity didn’t present itself… multiple times.
The way you’d look at me, I could see it in your eyes. Like a silent secret, staring me down. I wonder if you could see it in my eyes as well. Eating at me, every day. All I wanted was to tell you and for you to drop everything that was hurting you and take my hand for once. Discover something new. Something different. Something we both wanted. But you were just to afraid to do anything about it.
There wasn’t much more for me to do but wait and you never came.
You broke my heart and you don’t even know it; and sometimes, I still find myself wanting you. Wishing for something that will probably never come.
We could have been amazing. It could have been so real. If you had only given me a chance. You would have seen it. Proven everyone wrong. Felt alive.
Because that was how you made me feel everyday, all the way to the end.
Day 19: Someone Who Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad
You are constantly on my mind. When I’m not with you and especially when I am. Those moments of silence between us, all I can do is look at you and wonder what your thinking. I wish I knew. I wish I could get inside your mind sometimes. Just to know how you really feel. About everything.
I wish I could step inside your shoes. Just to see things from your point of view. To discover you completely, from your eyes. Live your everyday life. Figure you out.
Sometimes you are seriously like a brick wall with a hidden message. You are so hard to read and I wish I just knew. I wish you’d just stop putting up this wall. Just break it down and tell me everything.
I wanna know. So open up to me. I’m not gonna go anywhere and I want to listen.
there isn’t anyone specific out there who I want to be.
But more, someone who I ideally try to better myself as everyday. I wanna be that nice girl, who everyone gets along with. Who has TONS of REALLY CLOSE friends. Who looks of the brightside, all the time. The girl who falls in love and stays in love. Who can be one of the guys, and still be the coolest girl. The girl who is random and silly, and happy all the time, but when she breaks down, its no joking matter. That girl who is deep with her words and makes you think with her inspirational quotes. I wanna be that girl who instantly clicks with certain people, the girl who is understood for being different. I wanna be that girl who is confident in herself. Who has a sense of unique fashion and creativity. That girl who lets loose, doesn’t hold grudges, and takes chances. I wanna be that girl who has goals, dreams, and is not afraid to chase them. That girl who wants the big city and is fascinated by bright lights. I wanna be that girl who is happy and loves her life everyday to the fullest.
And I’m on my way to becoming that girl with each day.
I think about you everyday. I miss you so much. I miss our long talks and laughs. I miss seeing you everyday. I wish I would have known. Sooner. When I actually could have done something. I wish, I could turn back time. Maybe things would be different, knowing what I know now. Or maybe I just could have stopped. So we’d still be close friends.
I wonder where we’d be right now.
Maybe its good, we never let it go that far. We had fun while it lasted.
You made me feel alive. You made me remember what it was like to have a crush and feel like a little kid everyday that I’d see your smiling face walk into the room.
If there was anyone out there who I honestly hurt badly, I wouldn’t know. Because no one ever told me.
All the people I have hurt, that let me know, I’d like to think have forgiven me.
I don’t think I have ever let someone down, or hurt them that badly. I’ve normally always been the one getting hurt, not doing hurting. At least, I don’t think I’ve ever hurt someone that badly, and if I have, obviously, I’ve been sorry enough to try and make it right.
Day 11: A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
I wish I could talk to my great grandma. I only knew her when I was little. She passed when I was maybe four years old. The only memories I have of her, are me being mean. She used to call me a mountain woman. Ha. I wish I could sit and talk with her now.
My mom tells me all the time about when she was little and how she loved going over to her house and hanging out with her. How she was so cool. I wish I could have known her better. I imagine she was really really fun and chill.
It sucks when you miss someone, and the fun times you had, and all you wanna do is tell that person, but you know its pointless, because they don’t miss you back. What sucks even worse, is how something so small in life, can effect your relationship with another person so drastically. It can ruin it, make it completely awkward, or sometimes, even make things better.
In this case, it just made things between us more distant.
This blog was one in particular that I was afraid to write. Mostly because I don’t know how to go about it. But here it goes.
Dom and I were always good friends, but never really that close of friends, because we were attracted to each other from the beginning. We talked on and off for months and finally, after almost a year, we did something about it.
It clearly didn’t work out, because we got extremely annoyed with each other. But it was still fun while it lasted.
Dom was one of the few guys in my life who I told pretty much everything to, and despite the fact that we broke up, we did have some pretty fun times.
Like, getting high all the time over at Shawn’s, going to each and every one of his shows, stuffing our faces at Cici’s pizza after leaving his wacky uncle’s, him coming over the night I got my wisdom teeth out, our long talks in Corbin’s car and walking around Topher’s neighborhood at 3 in the morning, fighting in his room, playing video games with him, and all those nights he came over before we dated and I’d sneak out to see him. And obviously all those other times ;) loll.
But through it all, we soon got bored with each other and broke up, which was actually a pretty chill thing. We still talk and we’re still friends. So, I guess its all good.
Dom is one of those hard people to understand. He acts stupid & immature often, and honestly, doesn’t really give a shit what anyone thinks about him, because all he wants is to have fun. But he’s also one of those guys, who once you sit down with him and get him involved in a good conversation, it last for hours and all you do is sit, and laugh. He’s a good guy and honestly, I love him to death and I’m glad we dated. It was a fun and interesting experience that I’ll never forget.
What I hate, is that now, things will never be the way they used to be. And that is when I wish, I could take it all back, and go back to the way things were, before we dated, as a matter of fact, just go back, and do everything again, but not date at all. Maybe then, things would have worked out.
We would not have ever been something serious, so I wouldn’t have got so attached, and we could of just continued to have fun.
I miss talking to Dom on a regular every day basis, and just getting along in general.
Oh well, its late. I need to sleep and stop letting all this get to my head.
Its all just a part of life, I guess. I really shouldn’t be complaining, a lot of people have it way worse with their ex’s.
We discussed music, where we live, what we do for fun, and our languages.
Surprisingly, it was an excellent conversation. Its weird, meeting new people and getting to know them. How they are, what their lives are like. Getting inside someone else’s brain for a little while was nice. It let me take the focus away from mine.
I’ve always had really random and weird dreams. Who doesn’t?
The best ones are about those people who I haven’t seen in a while. The ones that feel so real. You feel everything, and you’re so happy. Then you wake up, and can’t come to the realization that it was only a dream and your stuck thinking about it all day.
I love the dreams when everyone is just in a great mood. Everyone is getting along, and those certain people that are sometimes mean to you, are so freaking chill. Everyone is having fun. Then, once again, you wake up. Back to reality.
The best of the best dreams are the ones around you. Doing nothing. Just laying around. Laughing. Joking. Having a blast. I love dreaming about you often. Then, I wake up and the dream isn’t done.
I hate when I go to sleep and wake up not remembering my dreams.
Well, here’s to another night of dreams. Maybe, I’ll remember these ones and if I’m lucky, maybe I’ll even dream about you. <3333
My sister is my best friend. We tell each other everything, hang out all the time, and she is the one person, who through everything, understands me to a science. She’s always been there. She’s experienced all the same shit and I know no matter what, nothing will ever ruin the relationship we have.
I love her with all my heart and I’d be absolutely nothing without her. <33